7 teachings from 7 years living in India

India is a special country that can evoke much transformation. Here’s 7 teachings that stand out for me, having lived in India for 7 years. As a Dutch woman aged 27-33, I want to break some prejudice about India: I have felt safe among its people, more abundant than I could ever imagine, and only rarely fallen sick. The healthcare I experienced was cheaper, quicker and more efficient than any other country I visited. And the people so resilient and kind.

These are my personal experiences, and it can be very different for another person. I am not saying that you have to go to India to learn these teachings. All we need is an open mind.

It cannot be put into words what I’ve all experienced. But I've named the most interesting things for you. This text is written by me, and not with ChatGPT. Skip straight to the 7 teachings below, or keep reading.

The privilege to travel

I feel privileged, because a European passport brings much more travel opportunity than many other passports. I’m no one special. But I am quite a risk-taker, going full in when my heart is on board.

However, I wish more people with open hearts and minds could travel between countries. It broadens perspectives, makes new connections. We can learn so much from each other! Most importantly, we can come to understand that we are one family. This is not some idealistic dream. This is a truth. So borders seem at times very limiting, overrated and outdated to me. 

Why I travel

I’ve always been curious about new people, landscapes and cultures. There’s something humbling about travel. It makes you realise that there’s much more than your own little mind. Everything comes alive. You start to cherish this planet more, with all its diversity. I also love to discover how we humans seek happiness in different ways. Perhaps to find out for myself, what happiness actually is. 

But lately, I don’t need to experience many new things. I travel more to settle for a while somewhere. Slow travel. I am getting older! Haha.

Travelling to India

Seven years ago, I had a wonderful job in Tanzania. I could have made a career, bought a house. I studied university, so I had the brains. But I felt to do ‘something different’. And so I chose to quit my job, take my savings and fly to ‘the most weird, dangerous and chaotic country.’ India. 

For an introvert and sensitive like me, being born in the silent lands of Norway… like, there was hardly any sound in Norway… India was something different for sure. The colours, the many people, the traffic, the smells. Everything happening public. Cows on the streets. Yes - all of it is what I signed up for! And all of it was overwhelming, too! Especially at the beginning.

Later, I learned that peace is mostly within, and you can be peaceful in the busiest streets. This takes practice - or being born in India. But luckily, the country comes with its own instruction book: the wisdom of yoga & meditation. “Take deep breaths.” Ok.

Let's dive into the 7 teachings from 7 years living in India.

1. Let go of ambition

It’s good to have a healthy drive for life. But before India I had an over-drive. Underneath my activities was often tension. A pressure to perform. Trying to get somewhere - to a better future. To a better version of me. And so, I was never really truly satisfied. I was busy with 'next'. There was always something to change, to improve, to do.

This is the modern world human. And ambition takes the lead in many Indian cities, too. People are trying to sustain themselves, so it's very understandable.

However, there are many Indians - also poor - who are relaxed. They don’t stress. They take life day by day. Take Karan’s mother, with whom I lived for 6 months in Dehradun. We lived in a small apartment between two busy roads. Karan’s mother prayed in the house temple, did groceries and cooked food. And that was enough. She didn’t force herself to have a career or be busy with complicated things. 

Living with Karan’s mother, grandmother and sister Akshi was such an eye-opener. They all took a daily afternoon nap, followed by a slow cup of chai. In such a household, it is very difficult to be stressed. 

I was appreciated just for being there. Nobody asked what I had achieved, or was planning to achieve. Now I do things more lightly. What I do matters - but I don't have to take stress. 

2. Life is supposed to be simple

Every now and then, Karan and I went on a Sunday scooter ride. We would drive through the mountains. The sun casting down through pine forests. Terraces down below in the valley. At the other side of the valley, there was a row of small colourful shops. Each of them was selling the same things: home-made pickles, jams and juices. An old lady appeared, her wrinkles as many as her years. “Hi didi, how are you? How much is this jackfruit pickle?,” asked Karan. We bought some yumminess, and went to the tea stall. We ordered two chai and two omelette, and if we were hungry, some Maggi noodles too. At a plastic table with two crooked chairs, we would sit and enjoy the warm meal. A couple of cows passed by on the road. Karan made a chat with the owner. The tree leaves rustled in the wind. Simple life. Small moments.

3. True abundance goes far beyond money

In India, my concept of abundance changed radically. It includes all of life’s experiences, because there is always something to be grateful for. Like:

Hearing sparrows in the morning. Calling a friend and feeling understood. Feeling how strong you are because you faced challenges. Dancing your funny dance, not caring how it looks. Long scooter rides along the Ganga river. The sun on a cold winter day. Sharing life with a soulmate. Doing laundry by hands, so you feel the water run through your hands on a warm day. Discovering how less you need to be happy. Eating the lettuce you planted. Coming to see strangers as your brothers and sisters. Sharing that freshly baked cake. Working with like-minded people for something that’s your passion. Being free to plan your days as you want. Taking time in the morning to wake up. Discovering the power of your thoughts: and how you can program yourself to have happy thoughts.

This is abundance.

4. Trust. Trust more. Trust totally.

In India it goes like this:

“Is there a seatbelt in this car?” - “No, but it will be fine.”

“When is that package arriving?” - “It won’t take long.”

“How to cross this busy road?” - “Just go.”

“Is this water drinkable?” - “Yes, everyone drinks it.”

"Okay, but is the water tested?" - "What do you mean, tested?"

You have to surrender and trust - there’s no other option.

5. Loving the light and the dark

India is a country of contrast. You get exposed to poverty, dirt, chaos, dishonesty, heat. It is not always comfortable. That’s why some people don’t want to go there. But it can be a chance to face the imperfect sides of life, and learn how to accept them. 

India trained me to look at the world and myself without judgement. Even if I am 100% right that ‘this chair is dirty and needs cleaning’, I don’t get anywhere by being critical. I can let go of it, and leave space for positivity. As a consequence, there was less resistance inside of me. I take my thoughts less seriously, and get less affected.

But boy, I’ve had my hurdles! I didn’t realise how less I loved myself, until I faced some challenges. In my relationship, my work, my daily life - it would show up. Old pains that needed healing. Many times I went through this alone. That was an immense gift. Slowly, I learned to be there for myself. My own best friend. My first lover.

Part of loving myself, was to trust my own voice. Not other people’s voices. And to give myself permission: to be messy, human, imperfect, falling and failing. Very opposite from Dutch culture! I also started to give myself the permission to live parts of myself that I had hidden and suppressed: the soft, feminine, intuitive, creative.

6. Overcoming differences = allowing differences

Indians are so welcoming! You can be invited for dinner easily. How beautiful is that?! They taught me how to open our doors at Adara.

Here, we created a third culture. Not Dutch. Not Indian. Something… weird and fun. We lived with Nepalese, Indian, Dutch and many other cultures. How could that work? Because we allowed each other’s differences. We combined all the good of all the cultures and mixed them together. That’s how we got Nepalese children eating Dutch pancakes.

Everyone is a brother or a sister. We may be different. We may not always share the same dining table, for we have different food preferences. We may not always agree. We may not be directly related. But we can let go of judgements and opposites, by allowing differences. Loving the uniqueness of one another.

I now know that it is possible to have a multicultural relationship - with understanding, freedom and love. Although I am back in Europe now, Karan and I have learned to love beyond differences. Beyond countries.

7. A new vision on development aid

We often talk of development countries as: they need help. But what I have experienced firsthand is that:

1. Nobody is a victim, everyone is a leader of their life. Seeing people as leaders, is true empowerment.

2. Not everyone wants to be helped. Some people are satisfied with their (basic) way of life. So don't assume they need help. Also, it's not everyone’s timing to change. When they are invited to change for the benefit of themselves and others, they aren’t ready. And that’s okay. Change takes commitment, letting go of old mind-sets and your comfort zone.

Karan and I saw this with our project Adara. We were teaching children alternative education. It was about changing mind-sets and new experiences. Not so much: get your grades. The children were ready, but parents weren't quite ready for it. They stopped sending their children.

Development has to come from a community’s desire for change. And not only words - but actions. This creates ownership. Aid can be given when a community is open to receive, and act. Otherwise, it is better to leave it, even when there is potential, until they are ready. That’s why some development aid is wasted energy.

These can be centres, institutions, schools, social organisations. Such models of positive change will inspire people, planting seeds in their heads, making them ready for ways forward. This is what we intent Adara to be.

Q&A

Question from followers

Amit: Given a chance, will you ever go back to India again?

It is still my intent, my dream, to stir positive change in the world. Through Adara, for example! So yes, for that purpose I am always open to return to India. And for the purpose of meeting loved ones. And having a dosa.

Thank you for reading!

I hope this was interesting for you. Share if you have questions or comments about travel, India, or the teachings.